How to Upgrade a Resistant Person
“Upgrade a resistant person and stay in rapport” – Inspired by Cy Wakeman, author of “Reality-Based Leadership”
When dealing with resistant people, it may not always be possible to take the easy path of working only with the willing, as recommended in Robert I. Sutton’s book “No Asshole Rule”. In such cases, when you can’t get out or use narcissist avoidance boundaries and there is no middle ground, as pointed out by Cy Wakeman, it’s important to acknowledge that managers have a bigger role in developing resistant people. Managers should be aware that people leave because the rules are unpredictable.
Managers often trick employees by saying “It’s in my head so just do it!” in their inside voice. This tricks the employee into taking a stab at what is in their manager’s head, getting scolded for being wrong, and then quitting but still showing up and collecting a paycheck.
Resistant people spend 2.5 hours a day in drama. They blame, moan, and whine about people and circumstances. Managers often coddle them with sympathy, colluding, validating, and agreeing that the problem is out there.
At work, it can be difficult to ask a subordinate to skip the drama. Instead, drop the ego, upgrade your skill, be ready for the next thing, and do the work even when they didn’t know what the last thing was.
Ask empowering questions like the question inspired by Cy Wakeman: “What is your plan to sign on to practice these non-negotiable changes or your plan to sign out?” There is no middle ground or grey area.
Helpful questions include:
- What do you know for sure?
- What can you do to help?
- In this business, can you leave your nut at home?
- Where does drama come from? The answer is you hired it, you allowed it or you are it.
- Are you negotiating the non-negotiables?
If you find yourself in a strange loop detached from reality and flying on analogies that are not real, lower your thinking to see the drama. The battle is won at the drama level. Stop the drama; stop the war.
This is a celebration of Wakeman’s ideas as a metaphor for getting your affairs in order. Do the work Appy for non-medical life insurance now. It’s a start.
